


A choice

by Aqua111



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Archie Comic)
Genre: Forgiveness, Gen, Guilt, consciousness, shadows of the past, were-creatures just because for some reason I can't stop using them anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 13:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19230076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aqua111/pseuds/Aqua111
Summary: Steppenwolf can't let go of the past and his feelings of guilt.





	A choice

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly inspired by an odd dream I had. And also by the end of Spec Ops: The Line.

It was night and Steppenwolf was all alone in Haven. The room he had locked himself up inside was almost empty. Locked doors to keep him contained, little furniture so there was less he could destroy. Sitting against a wall he was shaking, his breath was fast and shallow. He knew what was about to come, it had already happened a few times, and still it scared him. The pain, the loneliness - and the things he was forced to relive when he had no chance to occupy his mind with something else. At least not when he wanted to stay in control.

During the first wave of pain he could still bite it back, only let out a whimper. The next wave caused him to scream. Why should he even bother anyways when he was the only one in the entire building.

When he opened his eyes he found himself lying on the floor. For a moment he felt dizzy and confused. Apparently he had been lucky enough to black out this time. Not fast enough though - the wall still showed a couple of deep scratches. He stared down at his now larger hands, at the claws that so easily could tear through massive concrete. A sight he should have gotten used to by now and still...

"It hurts to open your eyes to the truth, doesn't it?"

Steppenwolf quickly spun around and stared at the source of the voice. The Echidna walking past him was his spitting image, the way he used to look before he transformed.

"You look like you have seen a ghost? Can you really forget about me so easily? Your own consciousness?" The Other's voice sounded completely indifferent, for now.

"Leave me alone", Steppenwolf muttered. "You are just in my head anyways."  
"Am I? Maybe you are in mine. Or we both are in someone else's." The Other's voice now became louder, more agitated. "A really fucked up mind. Making you and your father Guardians of this island only to then let you partially be the cause of a civil war. If you hadn't banned literally every piece of technology there never would have been a Dark Legion. There could have been peace."

Images flashed through Steppenwolf's mind. A mob rushing through the city, parts of their bodies replaced by whatever scrap metal they had found. A blood bath in the middle of Echidnaopolis.  
He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, desperately trying to get the memories out of his head.

"It wasn't my fault", he said quietly. "It was out of my control."  
"Was it really?" The other gave him a long appraising look before he continued his march through the room. "None of it would have happened if you had just stopped. Oh, sure, it was mostly the High Council who decided. But you and your father had a say in it as well. You could have tried. You could have protected like you had sworn to do - been Guardians. Instead you decided to stand idly by while the worlds of others burned."

Steppenwolf saw himself and Menniker forcing their ways into houses, confiscating forbidden technology. He only ever saw the harmless part, things that weren't desperately needed. But from what he had found out later the bans became stricter and the enforcement teams more ruthless. Medical equipment, communication technology, electronic records, everything that had been found had been destroyed. How many centuries of research and development had they lost that way?

"We tried to help! How could we have known?" Steppenwolf exclaimed, his voice now sounding more desperate.  
The Other spun around and stared at him. It seemed as if he now already had a hard time to keep down his anger. "You helped the mighty to gain total control over other people's lives. You helped ban all technology and led your people to a new dark age. Tell me what about this was actually useful help? And why all of this?" He let out a humourless laugh. "Because one of your family got killed and also threatened the lives of others by misusing technology? People get killed by jumping or being shoved off high buildings. Still no one decided to ban buildings. Or gravity for that matter. Think of your own cousin. It was his father he lost. He suffered the most. But he actually did the right thing. He wanted to help people. He wanted a revolution."

Menniker came to his mind again and now Steppenwolf felt a terrible pang of guilt. For their entire childhood and youth they had been inseparable. And then he had let him down when Menniker had needed him the most. Had been too busy planning the Echidnakind's future with his father and the High Council while completely ignoring the one in grief. They hadn't even bothered to ask for Menniker's opinion on their plans once - the one who had suffered the most from the prior events and who should have had a right to speak his mind. They had pretty much forced him to either stay silen and simply accept or to take matters in his own hands.  
But then his mind wandered to a later point in time. Running down a dark alley. Broken glasses. The stench of blood...  
No. He didn't want to remember this anymore.

"His revolution caused a civil war. My own father died by their hands!" he snapped. The Other only shrugged. His indifference now at the mention of Edmund's death was like a slap in the face.  
"You literally gave them no other choice. A caged animal with nothing else to lose than its life will fight. Whatever blood was spilled was your fault. Your father's blood was on your hands - figuratively and literally."

He couldn't get out of this dark place anymore. The coppery smell was back. He cradled his father's body in his arms, crying into his shoulders. It was his fault. All his fault. If only he hadn't been discovered when he tried to spy on the Dark Legion. If only his father hadn't felt like he had to come and rescue him. If only they had never started this war.  
He felt something wet running down his cheek and realised he was not only crying in his mind. The Other looked at him partially amused and partially disgusted.  
"A monster who can feel remorse..."

"Your cousin..."  
The words dragged Steppenwolf out of his grieving stupor again.  
"He is ... he's not dead", he sputtered. "I banned him to another zone."  
"A zone you don't know anything about." The amusement was gone, leaving only disgust behind. "You could have literally sent him to his death. Probably did - it has been years and there still hasn't been a sign of life."

And even if he ever returned unharmed, there was no way he would ever forgive his betrayal.  
Steppenwolf wrapped his arms around his body, shaking with occasional silent sobs.  
"I... I never meant for any of it to happen. It was out of my control. I already did what I could. I never killed anyone." His voice was breaking a couple of times.  
"You have a lot of resolve, I give you that", The Other said in mock admiration. "Because it really takes a lot to so blatantly ignore what is right in front of you. Go on, continue to make up your own truth."

"Isn't this enough that I painfully turn into this... this monster each month? Isn't this curse already enough torture to me?" Steppenwolf cried out.  
The Other stepped closer. His presence now felt like a threat.  
"You consider this a curse? The reoccurring pain? Your disfigured body? Oh please." He let out a dry chuckle. "It is merely ... an inconvenience. An infection if you want to call it like that. Your body has been infected by a bite, nothing more and nothing less. Your 'curse' has already been inside of you all this time. Always buried under layers of work, always kept in check by meeting people and forging new connections. You always need your head to stay busy. Work your mind into exhaustion until you literally pass out and force it to wake up again before it is rested. When was the last time you even dreamed? And now you have to hide. No more tasks to focus on, no one to talk to. Just you and your own mind. Your own consciousness. Your fears. Your loneliness. Your guilt. You feel your precious mind slipping, feel everything you managed to suppress come back to the surface again." He was now standing so close that Steppenwolf could feel his breath. "It's not your damn body that tortures you every month and that you need to keep hidden. It's what you keep inside of you. Your own memories. Your own damn worthlessness. Wallowing in self-pity like a useless piece of shit. Your father can be glad that he is rotting in a grave. Better than seeing his failure of a son."

"GO TO HELL!"  
Steppenwolf suddenly jumped up and tried to lunge at The Other. He only fell through empty air and hit the floor. Quickly he scrambled up again, grabbed a piece of the scarce furniture in this room and hurled it at The Other. It passed through and left another indentation in the wall.  
Steppenwolf broke down again, now sobbing loudly.

"Just go to hell... Why do you keep visiting me? Why always when I already am at my lowest? Who are you? What do you even want from me?"

The Other walked closer again and the mood shifted immediately. Now there was nothing accusing or threatening about him anymore. He only showed regret and sadness.  
"I will always be here because you can't accept the past. It broke you. You couldn't blame anyone else so you blamed it all on yourself. I am you. The part of you that can't let go. That is always forced to remind you of your own guilt. You want to justify yourself to you but your arguments are weak and you are always failing. Do you even believe in your own words?"

Steppenwolf tried to wipe the tears from his eyes but to no avail.  
"I really believed I was doing the right thing. I was still so naive and inexperienced. I had  none of the knowledge or power I have today. When I came to my senses it was already too late and... and..."

"The blast had already happened", The Other coninued. "But you helped to keep the fallout at bay. Steppenwolf, no one blames you anymore for it but you. But you also know you can't live like that forever."  
He reached out a hand towards Steppenwolf.  
"There is still a chance. But you have to make this choice on your own."

Steppenwolf looked up. For a moment their eyes met. It looked as if The Other desperately tried to beg for his forgiveness. But then Steppenwolf averted his gaze again.  
If it only was that easy.

The Other gave him a sad look, then stepped away again and let out a deep sigh.  
"You still can make a choice. Don't let this go to waste."

And with that he was gone again, leaving Steppenwolf behind all alone with his thoughts.


End file.
